COMMON QUESTIONS
FAQ.
The questions we hear most often, answered as directly as we can manage.
Getting started
I've never heard of ENM before. Where do I actually begin?
Start with the glossary. Then read the resources page. If you want a book, the first two chapters of The No-Bullshit Guide are designed for people starting from zero.
Is ENM the same as polyamory?
No—polyamory is one type of ENM. Ethical non-monogamy is the umbrella term. Polyamory, open relationships, swinging, and relationship anarchy are all forms of ENM.
Is this something I can try and then stop?
Yes. ENM is not a one-way door. People open relationships and close them. The book covers how to do that ethically.
Do I need to identify as non-monogamous to read this?
Not at all. The book is useful for people who are curious, skeptical, or whose partners brought it up.
The book
What makes this book different from others on the topic?
Most ENM books are either breathlessly utopian or clinical texts for therapists. This one tries for practical, honest, and occasionally funny about the difficulty.
Does the book take a position on which relationship structure is best?
No. It covers open relationships, polyamory, swinging, and relationship anarchy with equal seriousness. The position is: informed, consensual choice is good.
Is the book appropriate for couples to read together?
Yes. The conversation prompts in the appendix (also on the resources page) are designed to be worked through together.
I'm already experienced with ENM. Is this too basic for me?
Probably not. The chapters on jealousy, metamour dynamics, agreements, and closing relationships are written for people already navigating this who want clearer frameworks.
Specific situations
My partner wants to open our relationship and I'm not sure I do.
You are allowed to not be sure. The conversation prompts include questions designed specifically for this situation. The book's opening chapters address it directly.
I feel jealous and I'm told I shouldn't in ENM. Is something wrong with me?
Nothing is wrong with you. Jealousy is not a character flaw. It's an emotion with information in it. There's an entire chapter dedicated to this.
We tried opening our relationship and it went badly.
The chapter on when things go wrong covers breach of trust, common failures, and how to repair or close what didn't work without making it worse.
I'm a therapist who works with ENM clients. Is this useful?
The book is for general readers, not clinicians. But many mental health professionals have found it useful as a plain-language reference for clients. Get in touch about professional use.
This site
Are the resources on this site free?
Yes. The glossary, conversation prompts, and reading path are free and will remain free.
Will you be adding more content?
Possibly. We're deliberate about scope. If new material is genuinely useful, we'll add it. If it's filler, we won't.
I have a question that isn't answered here.
Use the contact form. We read everything.
Still have questions?
Many of them are answered in the book, at length, with better jokes.